After standing on the sides lines for three weeks, coughing and spluttering and being waited on by my oh so obliging boyfriend, I resolved that Monday would be THE day I was getting my flabby arse back in gear. Fitness apps downloaded, good intentions embraced and bright pink snazzy jazzy sports bra purchased, nothing was going to stand in my way.
Determination stations
I am very bad at being good. This malady seems to have its most potent affliction at the exact moment when tame Jane should step in and take the brain reins. Sunday night started well, I went to my friend Alex’s to do some prep for a presentation later in the week. We were very good, for about an hour. Being around her makes me want to drink; it’s strange, like a knee jerk reaction of devilish wonder. “We could just go for a small one.” One small one morphed into one large one then two, then two bottles, three, an impromptu pub quiz (definite epic failure), several cheeky cigarettes (‘I do NOT smoke‘) and four bottles of head boggling red wine…
“BALLS, I have to go to circuit training tomorrow.’
Monday morning, 7.30am and a steady pound pound pounding. I probably have the Sahara in my mouth, a steel band in my brain region, a swarm of bees in my lungs. I am probably an idiot.
Mondays are not fun: 5 hours of Public affairs followed by two hours of short hand.
I am determined; Dr Christian, the stevie-vision prophet, has foretold my potentially embarrassing fat future. I WILL go to the gym. It is snowing, short hand has considerably impaired my breathing abilities and caused a deep-rooted sickly nagging that seems to be muted only by a large quantity of greasy food. But…I go to the gym (I feel a little bit more awesome about myself than I probably should).
Bloody Nora on a rainy Sunday, circuit training is HARD! It’s not the running/jogging/sprinting/skipping/lunging, not even really the squats and weight lifting. More the tempo, the constant go go go and most difficult of all, the need for strength, which I appear just not to have.
Oh but I will. Yes yes, I will.
At the end of the hour the trainer tells us that all of the buses and most of the trains have been cancelled. The snow has fallen not all that thickly and England has gone into panic mode. It never ceases to amaze me how ridiculous this country is in adverse conditions. Let me tell you, come the zombie apocalypse, we are all screwed.
I am hatless, stuck on Sussex University campus wearing inappropriate shoes and a thin coat. Idiot status: reaffirmed. Sussex campus is in the middle of nowhere, nestled in a quasi-forest and the south downs. We are miles from civilisation. They close the library, the bar and the gym. This is not ok. What follows is two hours of running for trains, waiting on trains, listening to angry people shouting on trains. Then a three-mile trek through the Hove town wilderness (luckily I accidentally discovered my phone has GPS – GENIUS!) Buses are abandoned on the side of the road, the snow falls with a lack lustre determination sure to put the fear into any self-deprecating English-man. I trundle on. I am not afraid.
I am well on my way to being tough enough. I am definitely more awesome than I was when I woke up this morning. Probably.